Tantrums VS Meltdowns

Tantrums VS Meltdowns

Most people think that when a child with ASD is throwing a fit that they're a spoiled child and that their parents need to punish them more.  What people on the outside don't realize is that child is having a meltdown, not a tantrum.

A tantrum is basically throwing a fit to get what you want.  Once that child gets what they want the tantrum stops.  Tantrums are goal-oriented.  The child will watch you for a reaction and will avoid getting themselves hurt.  Tantrums need to be ignored and the child needs firm boundaries.

A meltdown is completely different.  When a child has a meltdown, the part of their brain responsible for executive functioning completely shuts down.  Stress hormones flood their body and temporarily, they are literally incapable of controlling their body and emotions.  They are unable to consider consequences or listen to reason.  

When a child is in the middle of a meltdown, there is no reasoning with them.  You have to nurture and comfort the child.  Keep them safe from things that they could be hurt by and remove them from the situation.  Once the child is regulated and no longer rushing with emotions, you can talk to them about their behavior.

Meltdowns are not goal-oriented.  No demands were made before or after the event.  The child has no interest in your reaction.  They do not care how others react to their behavior.  The child may end up hurting themselves.  They are reacting on a primal level of being overloaded.  They don't try to avoid injury and may be injured during the meltdown.  Meltdowns are slow to end.  They last longer than tantrums, and slow down only when the child acclimates to surrounding at their own pace.  Children during a meltdown are not in control.  Because they are massively overstimulated, they're put into survival mode and react instinctively to the distress they're in. You cannot "snap" a child out of a meltdown.

Usually in most cases, the child will act like nothing happened once a meltdown is over.  It's almost like a blackout moment.

Jaxon has really only had a few absolutely horrible meltdowns.  Most of his meltdowns start out as him throwing a fit because he didn't get his way, and his body and mind become emotionally dysregulated and BAM a meltdown starts.  One meltdown occurred because Jaxon wanted me to back my car in instead of me parking like normal.  He started throwing a fit when I refused to move my car.  Eventually it escalated and became a meltdown.  It was intense!  A few times I thought it was over and it would escalate again.  It was about 2 hours before it was fully over.  Another time, we went to the grocery store after church.  I had to grab a few things and Jaxon's usually a good kid in the store.  Well again he became dysregulated and I had to keep him from flipping the cart over on himself and eloping out of the car.  

I've share the grocery store story on my Facebook page along with the videos that I took.  Jaxon is such a fun goofy kid and it broke my heart to see him like that.  But once it starts you have to ride it out like a storm.  It's heart-wrenching watching your sweet 6 year old turn into a violent, yelling tornado and all you can do is sit there and make sure he is safe until it's over.  Being helpless is the worst feeling. As a parent you want to fix these things, but when your child's brain is wire differently, there's nothing to do.