When is the right time to tell your child that they have Autism?
A lot of parents have the same question, "when is the right time to tell my child that they have Autism?". It is a hard question to answer as each child is different and their age may not dictate when they are intellectually ready to ask what Autism is, or to receive the answer they are given.
I know of a family who has a very high-functioning child, who as a teenager, still hasn't been told that he has Autism. The mom told me that she didn't want him to use it as a crutch. I understand her reasoning, but I am one that believes that if your child knows that they have Autism, it will open them up. What if that child is being bullied because he's different? Knowing that they have Autism could help them understand themselves better and they could, if they felt comfortable enough, educate their classmates on Autism. It could be very empowering to them! They will realize that the reason that they feel differently about things or why they are pulled out of their regular classes is their Autism and not just them inside their own mind. As they get older, some of them have greater social awareness, and they will realize that they are being made fun of or ignored for certain things. It's not fair to the child for them to think that there is something wrong with them. Autism isn't the end of the world! Autism is your brain thinking a different way than others.
A lot of articles I have read say that telling your child about their Autism needs to be individualized to them. Also, you want to make sure that they are intellectually able to understand. If they're six and they ask you what Autism is, you want to make sure that you explain it in easy to understand text and not to elaborate so much that they get confused. Some children are very curious at a young age, and some won't want to know until they are much older. You know your child best. Do what you think in your gut is right. Autism is a spectrum, so nobody expects for all of the children to be treated the same, so don't think that what's right for one person is right for everyone else.
Some people are concerned with their child not knowing about their Autism, and having a family member or friend talk about it in front of the child. If this is your fear, I would address your family and friends about Autism and explain to them that you don't want them talking about it in front of your child. Explain to them that you want your child to hear it from you and ask that they respect your decision. I know accidents happen. If they do, and someone says something to your child about it, it would be good to explain it in a simple way just to help open the door. The in-depth conversation can happen later.
Jaxon is almost seven, and a wonderful reader. So when he sees my shirt that says something about Autism, and looks at me after he reads it, I tell him that he has Autism. He doesn't follow up with any questions and he just walks away. That is as far as I have gotten with telling him. His communication isn't the best still, so I try not to bombard him with it.
I know that when Jaxon wears his headphones in public that people look as us differently. It is what it is. Jaxon needs them to block a lot of the noise in public places. There are times when Jaxon won't listen in the store and we gets looks. I don't care. I always try to wear one of my many Autism shirts when we are out in hopes that people see my shirt and realize what's going on. I am not one that handles conflict easily and I dread having people judge my child. Wearing my shirts is one way I spread awareness.
Some of Jaxon's classmates and church friends have noticed his differences. They ask me, "Why does Jaxon wear headphones?" or "Why doesn't Jaxon talk very much?". I answer them as simple as possible. "Jaxon wears headphones because he doesn't like loud noises or lots of people talking at once." "Jaxon doesn't talk very much because his brain is different than yours and his brain doesn't let him talk very much right now." There are ways to explain it to the younger typical children without throwing Autism around. They are so young and accepting of Jaxon that I just want them to see Jaxon as Jaxon. When he's screeching really loud, or spinning in circles, I just want the children to say, "that's just Jaxon". As they grow older I plan on educating his grade on Autism and how Jaxon acts differently because of it.
I personally plan on telling Jaxon he has Autism whenever he is ready. If he seems really curious about it, I'll know it's time. In my reading, I have noticed that kids that are lower on the spectrum don't really care what others think of them. They are having a great time in their own world. The kids on the higher end of the spectrum are more socially aware and are very in tune with how they are treated. It is completely up to parent on when to tell their child, and how to explain it to them.
My advice is to do what your heart feels is right. Educate your family and friends. Educate strangers if you have to. If you want to slowly introduce your child to Autism, read them a book about it and talk about the ways that they are unique. As they get older and more inquisitive, keep elaborating on it. One day they will fully understand their Autism and most likely embrace themselves more for it.
I hope this helps! Good luck and I'll be praying for you all!
